By Wendy Newbury
Mornings on the scale have gone awry, and I’ve had to call an intervention with my bodies; well, one half; the one I dumped for another; yes her; she’s back raining on our parade, though I’m certain I was over her; replaced her with a much disciplined version, a run for miles, calorie counting, green eating lean machine; one that willed me through thick to get slim; we were quite the pair; life changing; true out with the old, in with the new stuff; but you’ve become wallpaper, grown quiet as we’ve moved through the passing months; or maybe I drowned you out, invited her in again, allowed her to speak up, advocate for her place in the relationship, interrupting our self accolades, our high praise; I’ve forgotten how addictive she is, how she lacks control, barges in and grabs whatever she likes without thinking, asking; she’s reckless like that, going out of her way, driving across town to fulfill cravings, Welch’s fruit snacks, if anyone’s wondering; she tells cashiers they’re for the kids; they say, “wow, I didn’t know they came in these bigger bags, better than the small pouches, that’s great”, and she grins and says, “yeah, it’s marvelous”, then devours the whole 8 oz bag in the car; handfuls; sinking her teeth into every gummy bite; falling into that sugary cocoon of comfort; yes her; old me; I was sure she was gone; that I left her several years ago promising she’d change; she has to go; she will ruin us; but you say I should relax, take a minute, give her chances; plural, like we should keep letting this happen; I think it’s absurd; we can’t reason with her; she wants what she wants; you suggest we work it out together; look at her, she needs a team; balance, not banishment; you say to search for the big picture in our reflection, the silver lining in these mirror conversations; because after all, you need you.
Wendy Newbury is a writer and music educator living in the PNW with her family of five and her work has appeared in The New York Times and Roi Faineant Press; find her on Twitter @newburywrites.
Art by Verena Raban.
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